I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
