If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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