I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize