omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
