Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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