i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
