guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Randomize