her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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