My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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