your thong is hanging out like whoa
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
