She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
