and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
