I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
As shirtless as possible
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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