She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
