if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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