Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
