I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
