I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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