i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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