btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
