Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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