Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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