thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize