i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
