i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
