Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
