I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It was confusing and full of hummus
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
