my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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