he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
