he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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