my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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