im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
