I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
