I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
