The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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