Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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