Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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