I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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