you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
