You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
