hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
