Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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