don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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