it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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