Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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