I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize