Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
pray to the hookup gods
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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