And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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