i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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