It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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