My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize