hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
