That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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