Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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