party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
