Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
