His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
