I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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