never play flip cup with pint glasses
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
