I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
