I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
