Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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