if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
