my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Four minutes until I can fart!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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