The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I think I won the penis lottery.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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