I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
