In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
